"Maaf Encik, hanya ahli keluarga terdekat sahaja yang dibenarkan masuk." terang jururawat di Nurse Station.
"It's okay. He's family. Come Fazidin.", Hans yang baru sampai terus mengajak Iddin masuk ke bilik.
"Hans, I'm sorry about your loss....I should....", Iddin bersuara.
"Thanks bro for your help. I am sure Tika will be happy to see you..... Just be patient with her, still a bit moody.", nasihat Hans sambil menepuk-nepuk bahu Iddin.
" I need to tell you something about what Atika told me this morning. About the nightmare....perhaps after this visit?" Iddin berkata.
"Oh? She did? Okay, let's grabbed coffee after this................", Hans suggested and both nodded.
I heard the door open and turn to see Hans and Iddin walked in. "Hi guys....", I said as Hans leaned over to give a kiss on my forehead. "How is my precious? I see that you hadn't touch your dinner? I suapkan okay?", Hans greeted me. I smiled.
"Ish you ni....I'm fine. Doctor said I can go home maybe tomorrow.....Tadi Mom came by and she brought me chicken soup and bubur. So macam dah kenyang. Iddin, have a sit. Bilik ni belum nak runtuh lagi....." aku tersengih mengusik Iddin.
"Thanks, orang sakit pun ada appetite perli orang....anyhow, happy to see you are recuperating well.....", Iddin giggled. "I brought you some flowers and get well soon okay....".
"Thank you, they are beautiful...." aku menyambut lalu mencium bunga ros kuning yang sememangnya ros warna kegemaranku. Kuning tandanya cemburu. Aku tersenyum lebar. "Could you please put them in the vase over there and then put it here?" and pointed to the table next to me. Iddin mengikut kehendak aku.....
"I'm much better but life has to go on and insya Allah we will try again.", I said to reassure Hans and Iddin I am fine but deep down only Allah saja yang tahu. "I just want to let both of you know that it is nobody's fault except mine. I should have taken better care of myself. Next time I will not get too emotional. I'm so sorry Hans...."
"Shhh....nothing to be sorry about babe. We'll get though this and let's get out of town for a while, like a short vacation. How's that sound?", Hans suggested and he stroke my hair gently. I nodded.
20 minutes later, Iddin minta diri but said he will call me soon just to check up on my progress. We hugged and Hans followed Iddin out. " I'll be back...", Hans said to me.
Half and hour past. I waited for Hans but he still hasn't return. After the nurse came by with my medication, I watched the television and fell a sleep.
Later into the night, as I toss and turn, I saw Hans was sleeping on the long sofa. Tenang sungguh tengok Hans yang sedap tidur dibuai mimpi indah agaknya.
"Hans....", aku memanggilnya perlahan.
"Hans....", aku memanggil sekali lagi and he woke up instantly. He sat up, "Yes babe, sakit ke?". Now he stood up and walked close to my bed.
"No, I kesian tengok you tidur situ....wanna squeeze in bed here with me? Plenty of room for one more..." I invited him in bed. Without any hesitant he climbed into bed with me. It was so comforting to have him hold me tight in his arms.
"Tika, please don't ever do what you did. I love you so much and I cannot have you do this to yourself. You have problem, we talk. I have problem, we talk. Ghazz is still locked in prison and he won't be out at least another 20 years. Dia tak akan ganggu you.....", Hans whispered softly.
"Iddin told you about my nightmare, didn't he? I might have guess. He surely couldn't keep any secret.", I replied. But Hans pulled me closer and kissed my cheek.
"He loves you too, you know that, don't you? You should be lucky to have me and Fazidin who cares so much about you.". I was surprised by Hans remarks.
I turned and faced him, "Why did you say that about Iddin?"
"Babe I sense that guy still has the hearts for my wife. Remember you once told me that you feel vulnerable when Fazidin is in the same room with you....you decide your next course of action... right and wrong. Use your own judgement.", nasihat Hans.
"I said those words......didn't I?", I had to agree with Hans. It's true and I don't know why....it happens every time I'm around Iddin. Tak tahulah ubat pemanis apa dia pakai sampai hati tengah marah pun boleh jadi cair. Perangai macam orang tak kahwin....what made me fall under his spell.....everytime.
"Hey, berangan ye....", Hans pinching my nose.
"Okay,...okay,....I get it. I feel so embarrassed now. I don't want to be his enemy. I just want to maintain a good friendship with Iddin,....that's all......" I answered.
There was silence for a moment. Fikiranku mula melayang pada kejadian siang tadi. Aku menampar mulut Iddin. There was blood and more blood. two miscarriages. Quietly I cry. "Babe, let it all out. Don't keep it bottled up. You know, you don't have to be strong alone and that is what I am here for. I know you are hurting. Yeah, I know it sucks. We don't talk about having babies unless you are ready. We have each other. I love you so much and don't you ever forget that." the sound of Hans voice was very comforting. So I continued crying to release all the pain......He gently ran his fingers through my hair time and time again to calm the silent war within my mind.
Part 2.
The next morning, Hans was already awake reading the newspaper on the sofa. I tried to get up but the ruffling sound from the crisped bed sheet against my body made Hans to look up. "Babe, you up already?", whispered Hans softly and walked towards me.
"Hey,...hey,...hey,...what do you think you're doing?", Hans menegur. Bahuku di pegang dan di letakkan 2 biji bantal di belakang badanku.
"Thanks but can you help me up.....penat duduk atas katil saja....", pintaku pada Hans. Hans grabbed me by the waist and helped me stand up. I was a bit shaky but after a few seconds I was able to move one step at a time.
I walked to the glass window to catch the morning sun piercing through the room. "Hans, the doctor said yesterday, I may be discharged today. I really want to go back home."
"Let's wait for the doctor." Hans said and I can sense he was already standing behind me. He wrapped his arms around me. We stood there rocking in each others arms watching the birds, the blue sky, the fluffy clouds and the tall sky scrapers.
Credit to MusicEverywhereNet and You Tube
Masih ada perasaan yang tak menentu di hati
bila ingat sorot matamu yang kurasa berbeda
Oh, janganlah terjadi yang selalu kutakutkan
beribu cara 'kan ku tempuh
Oh, cintaku kumau tetap kamu
yang jadi kekasihku
jangan pernah berubah
selamanya kan ku jaga dirimu
seperti kapas putih di hatiku
takkan kubuat noda
pejamkanlah kedua matamu
bayangkan aku disisimu
oh, janganlah terjadi yang slalu kutakutkan
beribu cara 'kan ku tempuh
"You don't have to thank me. Remember I've told you that I will take care of you forever." Hans said softly. I turn to face him and rested my body against his. The warmth of his hand caressing and stroking my back membuat aku tekulai layu. "Like Marcell said selamanya kan ku jaga dirimu, seperti kapas putih di hatiku, takkan kubuat noda......other than that it doesn't matter."
Ahhh......Marcell....love his songs. All about love and romance. To me he is the Asian version of Brian McKnight. Terdengar-dengar lagu Marcel bermain di benak fikiranku. Soothing sekali. My imagination was cut short after came a knock on the door and entered Joe, Hans ex-brother in-law. "Sudah, sudah la tu.....balik rumah sambung...", Joe smiled and shook his head.
"Eh,...Joe......good morning. You doing your rounds this morning?", Hans smiled back at Joe. He assisted me to the bed.
"Take a sit. How are you feeling this morning?", Joe asked while running the stethoscope on my chest and then my back. The nurse slid a thermometer under my tongue and took my blood pressure.
"Can she be discharged today?", Hans asked Joe. Joe was writing something on the chart board.
"Semua looks okay. Yeah you can go back home today. I will prescribe your medications and pick them up at the pharmacy downstairs. Doctor Idris was not able to see you this morning since he is assisting a delivery but he sends his regards." Joe said. He instructed the nurse to inform pharmacy and prepared the release form. The nurse left the room.
"Atika, I don't know what you did to Hans. He changed a lot. Dulu masa isteri dia, my sister, gave birth to their two sons, Hans was never present. Now he can spend a night in the hospital for you....", cerita Joe pada aku.
"Joe, enough Joe....tu cerita dulu. I am not the same man.", Hans sounded not happy by Joe's story.
"Okay,...okay,....sorry.....", Joe tersengih-sengih melihat muka Hans yang kemerah-merahan.
That afternoon I was discharged after Hans collected the medication and paid the bills. Abang Razali was already waiting to drive us home.
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