Chapter 25 - Trouble Sleeping

Part 1.

Credit to You Tube and emimusic

It's late and I'm feeling so tired

Having trouble sleeping.

This constant compromise

Between thinking and breathing.

Could it be I'm suffering

Because I'll never give in?

Won't say that I'm falling in love

Tell me I don't seem myself

Couldn't I blame something else?

Just don't say I'm falling in love

Some kind of therapy

Is all I need

Please believe me

Some instant remedy

That can cure me completely

Could it be I'm suffering

Because I'll never give in?

Won't say that I'm falling in love

Tell me I don't seem myself

Couldn't I blame something else?

Just don't say I'm falling in love

'cause I've been there before and it's not enough

So nobody say it

 Don't even say it

I've got my eyes shut

Won't look, oh

No, I'm not in love

Could it be I'm suffering

Because I'll never give in?

Don't say I'm falling love

Tell me I don't seem myself good enough for something else

Just don't say I'm falling in love

Falling in love

Just don't say I'm falling in love

Oh, yeah

Falling love ooh

Oh, oh, don't say that I'm falling in love, don't say that, oh

Just don't say that I'm falling in love, yeah

Just don't say that I'm falling in love

Don't say but in the answer

'Cause I'll never give in

Oh

Falling in love

Yeah

Oh

I woke quiet early as I had trouble sleeping. I got up and made myself hot lemon tea. Hans was still sleeping like a baby. I grabbed my notebook on my bed side table to check out a few flea market around Rome. Spotted a few but my interest was diverted to a movie on You Tube, Roman Holiday with Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck. I watched the whole movie....funny though,....I always knew about Roman Holiday but never actually sat through the whole movie.

"What are you doing up so early? It's only 4:30 a.m. babe....."Hans said.

"Yeah I was up kind off early so I decided to watch a movie..." I replied. "I'm sorry if I woke you up."

"It's alright, babe. Can you make me whatever you're drinking? Hans asked.

"Sure. Is hot lemon tea good for you?" I asked and looked at him.

He smiled and replied, "Lemon tea it is. What were you watching?

"Ha..ha..ha.. funny though....I was flipping through he pages in the internet for flea markets in Rome and suddenly Roman Holiday popped out....so I watched and it was kind of cute with Audrey Hepburn." I replied as I made him the lemon tea.

"Did you sleep well?" I asked and handed him the lemon tea.

"Yesss....like a baby." he said laughing and took a sip of the hot lemon tea. Hmmm..., I don't quite understand what the laugh was all about. A bit puzzling. As I looked at him, I can't imagine myself being apart from him, because we are like only two pieces of puzzle, which finally met, fit together perfectly and will never separate. I smiled.

"What are you smiling about?" Hans asked suddenly. I was caught by surprised.

"It's nothing...." I replied and get off the bed.

"Hey, come back here. I am not finished yet with you....why? What's wrong?" Hans insisted and he sat up on the bed. I turned and looked at him. I found myself in awe of his hard, lean frame as he sat up bare chested before me. I tried to tear my gaze from his magnificent form, but it was no use, and his devilishly handsome features shifted into a knowing grin as he caught me staring.

"There,...you doing it again. You are staring at me. Wanna say or share with me?" he asked again.

"No, nothing. I was thinking how lucky I am to have you in my life.....that's all." I crawled back on to the bed and sat opposite him. Both of my hands move towards his face. I cupped his face with my palms as my head slant to the right and then to the left. 

"I could stare at your face the whole day." I ran my 5 fingers down his face. He closed his eyes and slightly parted his lips. "I love your smell....I love your smile....it lightens my days....I love your nose.....it is proportionately on your face.....I love the scar next to your right eye.....it is sexy.....and you know what i love most of all......your lips.....they are gorgeous." My fingers stopped on his lips. 

Then he kissed me for a few seconds. I didn't close my eyes. I wanna see him when he kissed me. We parted lips and he said, "Thank you babe....but please stop. I feel embarrassed." He leaned closer to me. His cheek brush up against my face. I was really turned on the moment his jagged beard pressed hard against the side of my neck. I gently stroke his hair and looked into his eyes.

"That was.......indescribable feeling......it gives me the shivers......." and he kissed my lips.

"I'm sorry if I over reacted but I've always wanted to look straight into you,.....like I did just now. Sometimes I feel so shy to look back at you. I feel insecure I may not be perfect for you." I said truthfully.

"Shhhhh no need for apologies, Tika. No one is perfect in this world." he whispered in my ear. 

At that hour we laid in bed, holding hands, caressing each other and talk about our future.....

Part 2.

It's our last day in Rome and we plan to visit a few more places. After a simple breakfast at the hotel we took a cab to the Colesseum and followed by The Roman Forum.

The Colosseum is still an iconic symbol of Imperial Rome. It is one of Rome's most popular tourist attractions. It has gone through several repairs after suffered extensive damage over the centuries resulting from earthquakes and a major fire. There are underground tunnels used to house animals and slaves. This was once the place where gladiators fight took place and an estimated 9000 wild animals were killed for entertainment purposes.

In the modern days concerts have been held just outside, using the Colosseum as a backdrop. Performers who have played at the Colosseum in recent years have included Elton John  and Billy Joel.

Then we proceeded to The Roman Forum which was about 10 minutes walk. The Forum is a rectangular building surrounded by the ruins of several important ancient government buildings at the center of the city of Rome. Citizens of the ancient city referred to this space simply as the Forum.  It is also the venue for public speeches, criminal trials, and gladiatorial matches.  This is where Mark Anthony stood and delivered funeral speech to Julius Ceaser and where the public burning of Caesar's body took place on site.

From the Forum we took a 10 minutes ride on the public bus to get to The Mouth of Truth or Bocca della Verita. Rasa macam bermimpi sebab baru pagi tadi I stayed up to watch the scene from both Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck who dared each other by putting their hands in the mouth of truth. It was believed that if one told a lie with one's hand in the mouth of the sculpture, it would be bitten off. We do not exactly know the real history of the sculpture; some said it could be a manhole cover and some say it’s a first century ancient Roman fountain.

We took a late lunch break at The Del Fico, a shabby chic café/bar. They have an impressive list of coffees. It was almost half past three when we finished lunch. I didn’t get to go to a flea market since majority are only open on Sundays. So we decided to go back to Via Condotti and do a last minute shopping.

Part 3.

Upon our arrival at the hotel, I stopped to view the news on TV in the reception area. There has been an earthquake in central of Italy with the magnitude of 6.2 on the ricter scale. As we walked to our room I switched on my cellphone and receive several e-mails from UNDSS inquiring about my whereabouts. I showed the e-mails to Hans...

"Call them and let them know that you are save in Rome." I agreed and replied the messages. I went on inquiring if my services is needed to help out with disaster relief since I am already in Rome . UNDSS replied that they will notify via e-mail if they are short of voluntary workers. In the meantime I can proceed with current travel plans and they will be in contact should additional manpower is required.The final message from UNDSS, "Travel with Caution".

"Well they said I can carry on with my travel plans. If my services are required they will be in touch. I guess we are free to leave Rome tomorrow....." I said.

I am not familiar with the towns affected by the earthquakes but it hits small villages around Amatrice, Accumoli and Arquata del Tronto. Quite sad to see the after effect from the disaster. Works have started to dig into rubble to find survivors. I feel so useless sitting here.....

"Are you alright? Should we stick to our plans or stay another day or two in Rome, babe?" Hans came and sat next to me. I hold his hands while my eyes are still locked on the news.....

"I feel sad with what's going on but UNDSS gave strict instruction not to go near the disaster area. My safety has to come first and I do not have the authorization and security clearance to be there." I explained.

Credit to CNN, Roger Musson and Google

"It's ok babe. I understand how you feel....kalau they need you they will call. In the meantime I hope it will not damper our honeymoon because we have a long trip tomorrow. I'll pack our things. You just relax and watch the news." Hans kissed my head and gave a squeeze on my arms. I nodded.

Chapter 24 - Arjuna

Part 1.

Credit to Alifa el-A and You Tube

Sudah kudaki gunung tertinggi

Hanya untuk mencari dimana dirimu

Sudah kujelajahi isi bumi

Hanya untuk dapat hidup bersamamu

Sudah kuarungi laut samudera

Hanya untuk mencari tempat berlabuhmu

Tapi semakin jauh ku mencari

Cinta semakin aku tak mengerti

Akulah Arjuna

Yang mencari cinta

Wahai wanita

Cintailah aku

Mungkin kutemui cinta sejati

Saat aku hembuskan nafas terakhirku

Mungkin cinta sejati memang tak ada

Dalam cerita kehidupan ini

Everything is beautiful when you are in love. The feeling is indescribable. Every new day brings new colors and surprised me in various ways. I am relief truth be told and we both can move on with our lives.

That evening we were all dressed up for dinner. It was a surprised Hans said. Ok. Aku ikutkan kehendak dia saja. I know he will always think the best of everything.

Pipero Al Rex is a one star Michellin restaurant located on Via Torino which roughly takes about 20 minutes drive from Marzio Campo Hotel. Upon arrival we were greeted by the owner, Alessandro,  at the door and he proposed to tailor a tasting menu around our tastes and dietary requirements. He asked if there were any culinary prohibitions so that their creation could be appreciated to the fullest extent possible. 

It has a very intimate atmosphere with very beautiful designed plates and tables.  The food is inventive and the pasta is amazing! Their dishes were really creative, had an excellent presentation and tasted really delicious. You really feel that the chef has put a lot of time and effort in creating the menu. The staffs too, make you feel very welcome and they are very attentive and professional.  

The restaurant has a very limited seating and reservation is advised.

Pasta carbonara was delicious.

One perfect green olive presented in a small, clear box. Elegant in its simplicity but so complex in flavors. The olive when popped into my mouth suddenly became something totally different with a fusion of three other delicious flavors bursting out.

My other favorite dish was the cuttlefish and pea. Came to a point I realized I was too engulfed taking pictures of the food that Hans asked me to stop what I was doing. Feeling embarrassed I did as I was told and just enjoy my 10 course dinner with Hans. For dessert, we got a specially made big pie with candle light on 1 plate, which we split between the two of us. Super romantic.

Part 2.

On the way back we asked the driver to stop by the Colosseum. The view is beautiful at night. We stepped out of the car and walked a bit to experience one of the ancient wonders of the world. Colosseum is located in the heart of Rome.

“It’s huge!” I shriek in excitement. 

“Indeed. Perhaps tomorrow we’ll visit again and head to The Roman Forum?” suggest Hans.

“Sure. I love that and after we check out a few flea markets around the city?” I suggested as Hans wrapped his arm around me.

“Love the idea.” Hans replied.

Walking in the beautiful weather, I asked Hans.“Can I asked you something?”

“Sure. Boleh saja. So it’s my turn kena drill lah ni ya?” He kissed me on the side of my face. Aku tersenggih.

“Ha..ha..very funny…..seriously, what happened to you. I mean after you got shot.” I am curious to hear his side of the story.

We stopped and faced the huge Colosseum. Hans took a deep breath. “I thought you never asked. Frankly speaking Ghazz wasn’t a good shooter. The bullet went straight to my shoulder and it missed my heart. He sped off and your kind neighbor heard the commotion came out to help me. There was no time to wait for the ambulance as I was bleeding profusely. He drove me to Putrajaya Hospital and I told myself not to pass out. Started reciting surah Yassin out loud and finally they brought me to the operating room.” He looked at me and smiled.

“You boleh senyum lagi bila you cerita? You are mentally fit. Kalau I agaknya…..dah lama pengsan or maybe nyawa-nyawa ikan.” I command his brave act.

“Next thing I was in the ICU recuperating from the surgery. They took out the bullet and for weeks I had to go for physio therapy to regain my strength. When I was in the hospital all I could think off was you, babe. I want to recover fast, leave the hospital and start looking for you. With the help from the police we traced Ghazz in Budapest and I know that will be my destination.” Cerita Hans.

"Dad arranged for my discharged sooner than expected as I was gaining much popularity among the female nurses and doctors." He looked at me, I guess looking for a sign of jealousy perhaps....hahaha...."...he was afraid with that kind of attention my whereabouts can be leaked and reached to Ghazz's acquaintances."  

“I met your mother and the rest of your family. You mother was a such delight and now I understood where you got the kindness and patience character. When I told her that I will be going after you, we went over to your house. She told me that you kept your passport in a safe deposit at Public Bank. We search all over the house for the keys and finally we found them in your dashboard compartment. Next was a tedious task going to the court and we were granted court order for the bank to allow us to get access to your safety deposit box. And I found your passport and took it with me to Budapest.”

"Mama is my stepmother. I haven't told you before this.....but my biological mother passed away when I was 8......" I explained to Hans.

"Really? I am sorry about your mother, I mean your biological mother. Tell me more about her..." Hans was apologetic.

"Nah.....perhaps one day when the time is right....." I looked up to the sky wondering how mysterious life can be.

Anyway, Hans was so relaxed and calm bila bercerita. Each an every word came out from his mouth was perfectly arranged and sentenced. We walked back to the car and the driver opened the door.

“Let’s head back to the hotel and I will continue later, okay?” his hand was on my waist. I nodded and gave him a kiss. He looked at me with gleaming eyes and locked me tight in his arms. I drowned myself in the feeling of loving him and immersed in the fantasy that finally I found my soul mate, my friend, my love of life.  I just had an urge to scream out loud to the world….."THIS IS HIM! THIS IS MY ARJUNA!” and for the first time of my life, love just comes naturally without my acknowledgement.

Part 3.

Back at the hotel , I went straight to change into my oversize T-shirt.  Ever since I was rescued by the Hungarian Police and Hans I could not get myself to look at another lingerie or a negligee. It’ll give nightmares.

“Hmmm….you’re sleeping in my t-shirt again tonight?” sounded of his disapproval.

I was already sitting on the bed and waiting for him to join me. “But I like this t-shirt so much…..ok, ok, I will let housekeeping collect for dry cleaning tomorrow. I promise.” I put up my right hand and gave him the scout’s honor sign.

He walked over to the closet and changed his clothes. “Here, wear this instead. Take off the one you’re wearing. Habis semua t-shirt I you pakai….” He seems not happy with it.

“I am sorry tapi I suka oversized t-shirt. It is so comfy and wearing yours, I feel you are always with me.” I replied back at him.

“I am here always…..”

I cut him off before he could finish his sentence, “Ahhhh……but when I have both, it double my pleasure....….hehehe…” I crawled closer to him and gave him a kiss on his lips. He closed his eyes. “I love you, Hans…”

That night Hans told the rest of the story, how he saw Ghazz in the street of Budapest, he saw pictures of me in Ghazz’s arms, hugging and kissing from the police surveillance camera. He did not know what to make out of them. He was confused and had so many unanswered questions building at the back of his mind. But when he saw me at the clinic all he wanted to do was to hug and hold me in his arms. He refrained from doing it since he saw how shocked I was to see him there. He was scared of losing me again…..

When he finished he pulls me closer and I could feel the strength in his arms as he wrapped them around me, to trap me in his never ending warmth. As he embraces me, I can feel the life in him, the blood pumping in his veins, and the warm breath coming off his lips.

And I let him love me……..his way.

Tomorrow we will be our last day in Rome before we fly off to Positano. A few more places to visit and a bit more shopping to do. I love Rome.

Chapter 23 - Could It Be I'm Falling In Love.

Part 1.

"Mama called and she’s having a good time in London. I am happy for her." Aku menghampiri Hans dan duduk bersebelahannya. Hans masih sibuk membuat online booking for both our hotel and air tickets.

"That was nice of her to call. I am happy that she is having a good time. Banyak ke dia shopping?" Hans melayan perbualanku.

"She said she did a little bit of shopping today." Aku menjawab .

"Ok. All set and booked. Cuma tunggu kita sampai saja in Positano." Hans smiled and brushed my nose with his knuckle.

"Hey, what’s that for?" Aku bertanya.

"Nothing. Saja suka-suka….." he replied. "Babe, can I asked you something?"

"Sure, what’s on your mind?" Aku memberi perhatian penuh. Jarang sekali Hans bertanya soalan sedemikian. Seakan pelik bunyinya….

"I hope you can be truthful to me because this concerns about what happened to you the day Ghazz took you away. Please don’t get upset but I deserve to know what actually happened until the day I found you at the abortion clinic in Budapest." Hans akhirnya akur kepada naluri kelelakiannya.

Ya aku faham perasaan ingin tahunya itu. Memang sekian lama dia sabar menunggu the right time to ask me. Aku mendiamkan diri. Bagaimana harus aku memulakannya. Aku seboleh-bolehnya ingin melupakan masa silamku but I accept the fact that today Hans knows the truth.

Aku termenung jauh ke arah luar tingkap. "Tika? (sound of finger snapping) Are you here with me? Are you ready to tell me?" He wants to know.

I looked at Hans expressionless. Aku bangun dari kerusi  and walked over to the mini bar. I boiled hot water and made myself coffee. “Coffee?” aku bertanya pada Hans.

“I would love some, babe. Thanks.” He replied. I prepared another mug for Hans.

I passed him the coffee and sat opposite him. Then I began to tell him….

"Sebelum I menceritakan semuanya pada you, I want you to have an open mind about the entire situation. I also want you to know it is not easy for me to share this with you since I have being trying very hard to forget the incident. I understand you are my husband now, and yes I agree you deserve to know the whole story." Hans came over and held my hands but I pushed him away. I guess I was a little bit pissed off with him for wanting to know what happened in Budapest.

“You are upset with me, aren't you?” Hans asked.

“Imagine it happened to you.  How would you feel when asked to recall each and every moment in detail. I am sure you wouldn’t like it.” Aku menjelaskan padanya.

“I understand. I can only imagine what you went through but if you don’t share it with someone, specifically me, it’ll bottle up and one day it’ll explode. Then, I may not be able to cope the consequences.” Hans explained gently as possible and he tuck my hair behind my ears.

Aku menyilangkan kakiku dan menundukkan sedikit badanku. “I saw you got shot. You fell down and there was blood all over your shirt. You fell down on to the ground and you laid there helpless. When I called out for you, Ghazz hit my face with the back of his hand and I was dragged into Ghazz car by one of his man. The guy pinned me down on the back seat and I felt something sharp poked on my arm. The next thing I knew I was in an airplane. A private plane that is and I have no idea where we were going. I don't know how he got me out of the country without a passport? It is so ridiculous." I sipped my coffee and took a deep breath. Hans menganggukkan kepalanya.

"When I woke up, there was Ghazz and 2 of his men sitting and staring at me.  I asked Ghazz why is he doing this to me. I asked about you. He said that you are already dead and gone to hell. What am I supposed to think,….my Hans is dead….? I didn't want to belief him but I saw you in pool of blood and there could be some truth in what he said. Everyday he kept reminding me that he's glad your are no longer around and he can claim me all for himself. I became his property now." Aku bersandar di kerusi bertentangan Hans.

"Ghazz is crazy. How long were you in the plane?” Hans asked and stood up. He walked past behind me and rubbed my shoulder. Then he made himself another mug of coffee. Maybe dia stress sebab jarang Hans minum kopi lebih dari satu.

"I don’t exactly know but we changed to a commercial flight from Singapore. Most of the time he held on to me and said that if I ever tried to escape or asked for help, that will be the end of me." Hans sat down again next to me and placed his coffee on the table. He took my hands and squeeze them. I held them tight.

"It was such a long journey and I think Ghazz spiked either my drink or food cause I slept  two third of the journey. I was too weak to walk when we stepped out of the plane and Ghazz requested a wheelchair for me. The stewardess was curious but she didn’t asked further."Aku melepaskan tangan Hans dan merapatkan kedua-dua lututku ke dada. Hans hanya memerhatikan gerak lakuku.

"At what point did you know where you were in Budapest?" soal Hans.

"Not until we left the airport. The taxi driver greeted us and said, “Good afternoon Sir, welcome to Budapest." I cried all the way to the apartment. I was tired, scared and confused. All the time I thought of you, mama and what’s going to happen to me."

By now I am feeling very uncomfortable. I kept changing my sitting position when I finally stood and start pacing.

"I think I passed out for 2 days and was left in a room alone with my hands tied most of the time.  Every time he comes by I begged him to let me go or I said I'll scream for help. He said that I can scream all I want because nobody can hear me. He was right. I tried on several occasion yet no one came to my rescue. He regularly checks up on me and brought along a few pairs of shoes, clothes, lingerie and handbags. Maybe he thinks he can buy my love with all the expensive things he bought. I asked him why all these expensive things and he just smile. I was afraid that he plans to sell me to a prostitution ring since you know,....how Eastern European countries are quite known for human trafficking." I stopped pacing and turn to Hans. Hans was very attentive listening to everything I said.

"Come and sit down, babe. Take a breather, ok. I am not gonna judge you." Hans tries to calm me down.

"This is going to get worse. Do you want me to continue?" aku bertanya.

"Yes." His short and firm answer. He looked down. Perhaps feeling embarrassed before what comes next. 

Part 2.

Air mataku mula mengalir. "All he wanted from me was sex. He never intended to marry me. I felt things he did to me was his way of revenge because he claimed I left him for you. He was just using me. I became the object to fulfill his sexual appetite."

Aku mengesat airmata… yang entah keberapa kali. "It does not matter what time of they day, I tidur, I mandi, kalau dia rasa he wants me he just command me to strip naked.  He doesn’t take no for an answer. He doesn’t care kalau sakit perut atau pening. When he couldn't have me during my menstruation he expect oral pleasure. It has to be his way. All I pray was he does not go beyond that......."

By now I slumped my face in my palms. Malu....sangat, sangat malu menceritakan semuanya pada suamiku. How can I go on describing the intense moment with Ghazz. I stopped to compose myself. Hans looked so stressed by just listening. He stood up and pacing back and forth. Then he asked, "You didn’t fight him?" and stared at me.

"You must be crazy…..he carries a pistol on him all the time and has a pocket knife under his socks. I was threatened at gun point on my temple several times kalau I tak dengar cakap dia.  After more than 3 weeks I relented and accepted the fact that you are gone, me being far away from Malaysia and not allowed to leave the apartment unless it’s with him. I was weak, I was malnourished. I just couldn't afford to fight him. He was much stronger and I gave myself to him. I learned to accept my fate was in his hands to gain his trust with the hope that one day I can have the courage to be stronger and escape from the hell hole. When I started to gain his trust he untied me, provided descent meal and acted more humane."

I looked up at Hans to see his reaction. He was calm. I continued...."After every sexual intercourse I normally slipped slowly to the bathroom when he's asleep and threw up. Sometimes I force myself to throw up. I rasa murah and jijik whenever I see my face in the mirror. I despise him. I have seen him went berserk. Throwing things at his men for reason which I haven't got the slightest idea. Mula-mula sampai in Budapest dia kerap kali juga sepak and terajang I. Dah jadi perkara biasa bagi I dengan bengkak and lebam di merata badan. But never did he harm or hurt my face. The more obedient I was he showered me with more expensive gifts and cigarettes. At that rate I redha saja." Aku teresak-esak and Hans came to wipe my tears. He kissed me on my forehead.

Hans stood up and he leaned against the wall. He folded his arms and didn't even looked at me when he asked."The first time he…touched you…..was it consensual?"

Dengan nada yang mendatar aku menjawab, “How could you ask me such question? You think I enjoyed it? For crying out load I lost my virginity to the man I despised the most. All these years I've been saving it for the man I intended to marry, not to a bastard like Ghazz!" I raised my voice towards the end to make Hans understand it wasn't consensual. I saw his eyes red and oh my God! Hans has tears in his eyes......

"I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings........" he didn't finish his sentence when I interrupted. He quickly wiped off his tears.

"Does it make any difference if it is consensual or not? Is it very important to you? Well Hans the answer was NO. It was without my consent and when force is used, it is called sexual molestation or in Layman's term, it was rape. Is that what you want to hear? Does it makes you feel better?" kataku dengan perassan geram. "How could you think I willingly give myself to that bastard!"

"He didn't used any protection. I think he did it on purposed. Then I realized I was late with my period that's when Ghazz brought me to the clinic for a check-up. I didn't even know it was an abortion clinic until you mentioned earlier." I stopped and light up a cigarette and stood next to the window.

"Cool it babe,….you may think I sound inconsiderate but I am trying to build up a case against him once Ghazz is deported back to Malaysia." Hans came closer and took the cigarette from my me. He took a puff and another.....

Aku terdiam and looked the other way. Lidahku kelu….terasa macam I’m being selfish….was I? Kenapa aku rasakan Hans acting more like a lawyer rather than a concern husband.  

"Hans, I feel you are acting like a lawyer. You do not have to build a case against Ghazz….let the lawyers do their job….." aku cuba menyedarkan Hans. "And by the way since when you started smoking?"

Hans replied, "Since just now....."

"Tika, listen to me…..I tak bermaksud begitu. It’s just me being concern about your well-being."Hans memujukku.

"Has he......being deported back to Malaysia?" Aku ingin tahu.

"Nope he is still in Budapest. There will be another hearing before the judge decides whether there are enough evidence to take him to trial against his illegal money laundering activities not only in Hungary but also Romania and Slovakia." Hans explained and he finished off my cigarette.

Sungguh besar rangkaian aktiviti Ghazz semasa di Budapest. I hope he rot in jail for all I care.

"You seem to know a lot with what’s going on with Ghazz. How were you able to keep track of his activities?" tanyaku.

"En. Ahmad from Malaysian Embassy has been updating me with the case. Anyway, my concern is you. Only you. Ok, I am sorry and let’s forget about the lawyers and the case.  It is not fair that you went through all the pain alone. I was not there to protect you. I blame myself every day and when I saw you at the abortion clinic I promise myself that I will continue to make it up to you.  Make up all the pain, suffering, anguish, and the abuse." Hans was apologetic and sympathized with me.

"So, basically every time you tengok I, it is more or less timbul perasaan kesian?" aku counter attack Hans.

"Please don’t twist my words around, Tika. That's not fair. You know how I feel about you." He immediately pull me in his arms and hugged me tight.

Credit to Joey Coco and You Tube

Ahhh....I feel so helpless in his arms. "Hans, I minta maaf banyak-banyak sebab I am not what you expect me to be. Maybe I should have fought harder. Maybe I should have died in order to protect myself from being raped by Ghazz. I memang malu sangat dengan you. But I bersyukur sangat yang you masih mahu menerima I eventhough you tahu I tak suci lagi. Please don't let go. Just hold me a bit longer. I have missed you so much. You have been very patient with me throughout this ordeal. Thank you love."

"Don't apologized. It is not your fault. I love my Tika of who she is, alright. I am not going anywhere, babe. You're the only one for me. Meeting you was my destiny.......setiap manusia ada macam-macam cubaan dalam hidup mereka and that includes you and me....Allah menguji umatnya kerana Dia tidak mahu kita lupa padaNya."

"You know what,......Heaven made you specially for me", and I looked up at him....we kissed passionately.

Chapter 22 - All of Me.

Part 1.

I didn’t want to get up. All I wanna do is to curl up in Hans arms. I felt save, protected and loved. It’s a nice feeling when you have someone you loved next to you.  But I know I had to get up. It was 6:30 a.m. and I can’t sleep no more. I lift Hans arms around my waist as gently as possible not to wake him. I picked up my robe which was on the floor and put it on. I sat for a while on the bed and turned to look at Hans.

Love you….I whispered softly.

“Love you back….”Hans said.

Aku terkejut . “I am sorry,.....did I wake you up?” I asked softly.

“Nope, I've been up…….hmmm…..for the past half an hour…saja stayed in bed until you bangun…” he said but didn’t open his eyes.

“Really? I thought you’re still a sleep….”I replied.

“I was already up and just loving every moment having you in my arms….” he said. He opened those beautiful eyes of him and held out his hand. I crawled back on to the bed next to him and gave him a kiss on his fore head...…..

“Thank you for last night. You were patient and gentle with me. I really appreciate it. I could never ask for a better partner than you, Hans. You treated me with respect and you brought out the wild side of me I never thought I had. I love your touch, your smell, your warmth which made me feel so confident. I enjoyed every moment being with you.”

Credit to You Tube and johnlagendVEVO

Hans just stared at me the entire time. Once in a while his hand squeezes my arm with a smile. With my legs folded in a yoga sitting position, I lean over to kiss him on his lips……”I love you Hans.”

His eyes were still locked on mine and his hands grabbed my neck gently. He kissed me back and the next thing I laid there in bed with him not wanting to let go of him.

“Tika, I am touched by what you've said…..hmmm (he took a deep breath and released it)…..I thanked God for giving you to me. You're the best thing that has happened to me and I couldn’t ask for anything more in life. I am glad I met you. I am crazy in love with you. Despite what we have gone through to get here today, you are my wife now. That’s all what matters and it is my obligation as your husband to care for you, to love you and make you happy. Of course it will be an bonus for me when you love me back...(he winked). May He guide and protect us, insya Allah.” Then he hugged me. I stayed there in his arms. We didn’t have to say a word……we understood the silence…………..

“I could just lay in bed the whole day with you, you know? But I think we have a little bit of sightseeing and a lot of shopping to do……I mandi dulu ya?” I excused myself.

Hans smiled and said, “After you, babe….”.

Aku sengaja mengajuknya,”After you, babe….”. Tak semena-mena  I felt something hit my back….I turned and looked at Hans,….”Wah! Main kasar nampaknya……?” I picked up the pillow and threw back at him.  

Hans just laughed and catch hold of the pillow….”Dah, pergi mandi.”

“Ialah I nak mandila ni. Yang you campak bantal tu kat I kenapa?” I said in defense.

“Saja suka-suka….bila marah you lagi nampak cantik…” he said and threw the pillow back at me. Malas nak layan Hans, aku menjelir lidah kearahnya dan membiarkan bantal tadi di atas lantai tanda protest. “Aren’t you gonna pick it up?” Hans asked.

I replied, “Nope. You campak you pick it up yourself.” And I walked into the bathroom.

Part 2.

That morning while having breakfast we discussed our program for the day. We agreed to visit nearby attraction such as the famous Trevi Fountain and Pantheon which are just a few minutes walking distance from our hotel.

In 2013, Italian fashion company Fendi sponsored 2.2-million-euro restoration of the fountain. For those who are superstitious it is believe that throwing coins (throw using the right hand over the left shoulder) in the fountain while making a wish that your wish may come true. It is said that an estimated 3,000 Euros are thrown into the fountain each day. However  there have been regular attempts to steal coins from the Trevi Fountain which by the way it is illegal.

The Pantheon located at Piazza della Rotonda was the largest concrete structure in the world. It is a Roman temple dedicated to all the gods of pagan Rome. The Pantheon has had many uses, primarily; it is a burial place for several important Italian historical figures.  When you enter the Pantheon and look around you'll notice tombs set into the walls. The famous Renaissance painter Raphael is buried in the Pantheon.

The first instinct when you enter the Pantheon is to look up at the magnificent dome overhead.  The only source of light in the Pantheon comes from the Oculus in the ceiling. This large hole floods the room with light.

Via dei Condotti is a busy and fashionable street in Rome. It is the street which contains the greatest number of Rome-based Italian fashion retailers, equivalent to Milan's Via Montenapoleone. Dior, Gucci, Valentino, Hermès, Armani, Jimmy Choo, Prada, Salvatore Ferragamo, Céline, Dolce & Gabbana, Bulgari, Damiani, Zegna, Cartier, Bally, Montblanc, Louis Vuitton have stores on Via Condotti.

As usual Hans loves to shop at D&G. His closet back home has lots and lots of D&G suits. He bought 2 pairs of suits and custom made another pair. Don't asked me what it cost him all 3 pairs but he was satisfied with his purchases. He said, "I can't get these suits in Malaysia and it is cheaper here compared to London...".

My favorite store....what can I say. I bought myself a zipper wallet as the one I have has problem with its zipper due to wear and tear. Then I bought a Monogram Louis Vuitton Artsy and a LV leather bracelet. Gelap mata bila tengok banyak design on display. With my kind of salary it will take me at least 3 months to save up to purchase the handbag. Thrilled that Hans paid for items purchased. He smiled and said, "Hmmm...women and handbags tak boleh dipisahkan..." 

This is where I bought my shoes. Love, love love Ferragamo's shoes. I had a pair once when I was a student in the US. It cost me US179.00 at that time. Now with the credit card dad gave me I bought 2 pairs of Vara bow sandal of the same design but in different colors.

Walking in one of the alley in city Rome. 

Setelah penat membeli belah, we decided to go back to the hotel. It was almost 3 p.m. and we hadn't had our lunch. Instead of eating out we decided to order food to be delivered from Restaurant Indian Affair. The dishes we pretty descent and tasted good. We had plain rice, naan bread, aloo ghobi, saag paneer, and chicken tikka massala.

Part 3.

"So...babe, you're happy with your purchases today?"Hans asked.

"Happy? How could you asked such a question?"I said. "Of course I am happy and thank you very much Hans. I love my new wallet. I had planned to get a new one at Starhill but I don't like to go to KL. Way too crowded and it is so intense driving in KL. Finally, I got what I was looking for in Rome." sambil menguyah roti naan with paneer.

Hans smiled and said, "Anything for you babe...". Aku hanya tersengih.

"Once we're done with lunch, perhaps we can check out hotels in Almafi Coast and Positano." Hans suggested.

"OK but I already know where I wanna stay." I said and gave him a broad smile.

"Oh...? You do? Kat mana tu and which hotel?" he was interested to know.

"Ok this is the thing. Please don't think that I am cheesy, silly or live in la la land....." aku memulakan penjelaskanku.

"Ok this is it......aahhhhh....how to begin.....Ok, Ok,.....The reason I nak pergi Almafi Coast and Positano because of a movie I watch long time ago titled Only You. Marisa Tomei and Robert Downey stayed in this beautiful hotel in Positano which later I found out it is called Hotel Le Sirenuse. Soooo.... ever since then I said to myself if I ever go to Italy, this is where I wanna be and stay..." and I covered my face with both hands out of embarrassment.

Hans took my hands and smiled, "There is nothing to be embarrassed about. This vacation is all about you....anything you want. Your wish is my command. So, Hotel Le Sirenuse,...here we come!" and he kissed both my palm. I was so surprised by his reaction.

"That's it? It's alright if we stay there?" aku bertanya seperti tidak percaya.

"Yup, for sure. Let's try to book it online."Hans said. Then my cellphone rang.....

"Assalamualaikum, Tika....it's mama..."It was mama!

"Waalaikumsalam, mama. How are you? Are you calling from London?" I asked excitedly.

"Yes, we arrived in London yesterday. All is good here and we did a little bit of sightseeing today and stopped at Harrods for shopping. I bought your favorite hazel nut cookies. 2 container of those." Mama replied.

"Really? Thanks mama for thinking of me....well, we have been to Trevi Fountain and Pantheon and did a bit of shopping on Via Condotti. Most of it are just walking distance from where we are staying. We will be going to Positano and Almafi Coast soon." I looked at Hans who is busy browsing the internet.

"How's Hans treating you?"Mama asked.

"Like a princess....(I walked away to distance myself from Hans. I don't want him to hear my conversations). I am so happy mama being with him. All this while I was looking for a father figure to replace Abah and then I met Hans. I found my closure mama....I cannot compare him with Abah. Abah is Abah and he was my rock, mama. Hans, is my strength now...(I started to cry.....)  I found someone who cares and loves me so much. I hope I am not over reacting, mama." I wiped my tears away.

"Tika, no two person are the same. Take care of Hans just like how he takes care of you. I do not have any secrets to share with you when it comes to relationship but I always believe communications and respect towards each other is important, tau...." mama's advise.

"Well, I have got to now but we will talk again soon ok? You take care and don't forget to send me pictures of the both of you. I love you Tika and enjoy yourself!" Mama ended the conversation.

"Ok mama, thanks for the advise and talk to you again soon. Love ya...." I replied and hang up.