Chapter 51 - How Deep Is Your Love.

Part 1.

Time flies so fast this week. Tau-tau saja tinggal 2 hari sebelum resepsi perkahwinan kami. I guess I am all prepared. Alia had to do a small alteration to my wedding dress. I checked into The Majestic Hotel this afternoon to get myself settled down before the wedding rehearsal tomorrow. Both mama and my sister will join me tomorrow. Hans has gone outstation to Bentong and will be back late tonight.

That night I received text messages from Iddin.......

👻 Iddin
Come and run away with me, tonite......10.21 PM

Me : Excuse me?.....10.22 PM

👻 Iddin
I am not joking.......10.22 PM

Me : Stop it! You're being silly........10.22 PM

👻 Iddin
No. I'm serious. Run away with me. For one nite only. We go somewhere. Let's talk.....10.24 PM

Me : Bad idea 👊 .........10:24 PM

👻 Iddin
Please....we talk. Face to face.....10.24 PM

Me : Where are you? Are you drunk?......10:25 PM

👻 Iddin
The Majestic.....10.25 PM

Me : Ok meet me at the Colonial Cafe in 15 minutes.......10.30 PM

👻 Iddin
🙏.......10.30 PM

Wearing jeans and spaghetti strapped top, I throw on a long wrap around my shoulder. I twisted my messy scuffle hair up and clipped it upright tight. Put on a  bit of lipstick and touch-up my hair bangs. Then I pause and look myself in the mirror...., why am I trying to look good for Iddin?.....What does he want from me? Run away with him...? He's crazy!

I saw Iddin already waiting for me at the Colonial Cafe entrance. He stopped pacing when he saw me coming.

"Iddin please make it fast....what is this about?", I asked nervously. I do not want any of Hans relatives see me with Iddin. Some of his relative arrived this afternoon and will be staying here until the weekend.

"Come, let's us sit in the courtyard.", as he grabbed my hand and he lead through the crowd out to the covered courtyard. I can smell he has been drinking from his breath. He pulled a chair for me and he grabbed another chair placed it next to me. As he sat down, I realized we were sitting too close to each other that our knees brushed. I felt a bit uncomfortable.

He lit up a cigarette and offered me one. I took one and started smoking. "Okay, this is the thing.", and after two puffs he continued, "Just bare with me for a while. If I don't say it now, I don't know whenever I have the nerve to let go off my feelings."

He tapped his cigarette in the ashtray. "It was so crazy when we accidentally meet again. You have now become a huge part of my life. You may not know this but I kept you close to my heart, always. I don't know what it could have been like if we were to fall in love....I will always ask myself that question........", Iddin was rambling about how he felt about me.

"Iddin, have you been drinking? How many drinks have you had? I tak tahu macamana lagi nak explain pada you,...... come on let's please be rational. I am married and you are a married man. Those words coming from you....I am surprised...", I rejected his feelings.

"You think I don't know that we are married?.....tell me....tell me the truth. You sikit pun tak ada feelings towards me? I can see your reaction whenever I am with you....your face lit up and blushed like a 15 year old girl who just saw Brad Pitt...You like it when I flirt with you.....". Well there's some truth to that but why is he reacting this way......

Yes, his presence always cheer me up and I like when he flirts with me. May be I do have some feelings towards Iddin. "I thought kita dah resolve this issue masa di Italy,....why do you need to bring this it up again?", trying to make him understand what he craves is impossible to achieve.

Iddin finished his cigarette. He covered his face with his palm and then ran his fingers through his hair.

"Iddin, yes I do have feelings for you tapi to a certain extend. I couldn't possible leave Hans and run into your arms. And, so can't you with your wife. We have commit ourselves into  a different path of life. We have obligations to fulfill and I am flattered that you still have deep feelings for me. We can't hurt the people we love. I couldn't possibly ask you to leave your wife. I tak sanggup hancurkan rumahtangga orang lain. Tak sanggup I, Iddin. We did have a history together but itu dulu. Let's keep it that way. We will always have our memories and no one, no one will ever take that away from us.You are special to me Iddin but let's leave it as it is..... ", as I held tight his hands. I looked at him and our eyes locked for a few seconds. At that moment I sense Iddin's lips moved closer and closer to mine that it almost touched.

"Sir, Mam,....your drinks. Caramel Latte and Southern Comfort on the rocks.", said the waiter. Aku dengan pantas melepaskan tanganku dari genggaman Iddin. Oh my, I almost lost control of myself.... "Thank you.", Iddin replied as he lean back. The waiter walked away.

"I really have to go. I took a risk coming out here tonight. I hope you understand.", I was anxious to leave before things get out of hand. I put on a bitter smile.

"Listen, I care for you always and if you have problem don't hesitate to call me. Understand?", Iddin sounded crushed but I hope he understood that 'us' can never become real.

"I tak pernah  jumpa lelaki seperti you, Iddin. You tried so hard and I am flattered. Sometimes I want to hate you and sometimes I missed how you tease me. Crazy dude.....", aku tersenyum lebar dan memerhatikan reaksi Iddin. Dia tersenyum sinis.

"There's always a first time.....", he gently brushed his hand on my chin. I told him I need to go back to my room, but he stopped me, "Please, stay with me for a while." For friendship sake I stayed to keep him company......

We sat and talk for a bit about his work. He had whiskey one after the other. "Are you staying at the hotel?", I asked because I don't feel it is safe for him to drive home. He nodded. Lega sikit aku rasa. The waiter came with another drink and this time I told Iddin, "You've had enough Iddin. I'll walk you to your room. Give me your room card.". He dug inside his pocket and put the card on the table. "Let me finished this one and then we go to my room.", he said. I  instantly took the glass away from him and drank up his whiskey. Iddin was stunned and he stood up. "I thought you don't drink...", he asked.

"Well, I do now. Iddin you have to cut down on your drinking.......Come on Iddin. Lets go...", he was a bit wobbly so I held his arm tight and we walked out of the cafe to the elevator. I felt my throat was like on fire. It's been a while since aku meneguk arak. I don't know why I had to do it tonight. To prove a point? Bodohnya aku......

Iddin was quiet and he didn't utter a single word. We reached his room and I used the card to opened the door for him. I made him lean against the door and suddenly he got hold of my face with his palms. "Good night.......", and he kissed my forehead.

"Good night Iddin.", I replied. I walked away and did not look back........

Part 2.

I got back to my room and was surprised to see Hans back already.

"Hello there stranger....how long have you been back?", aku mengusik Hans. I went straight to him in bed and gave him a kiss on the lips.

"About half an hour ago. Where were you?", he wanted to know. I crawl into bed and sat next to him.

"I was with Iddin in Colonial Cafe downstairs. He had a little too much to drink.....stayed with him for a while and persuaded him to go back to his room. I'm sorry I wasn't here when you got back.", I explained.

"I see....what time did he get here?", Hans asked as he pull me closer to him and started to nibble my ears.

"I don't know....but he text me about 10 pm tonight.", I tried to escape before his trimmed stubble brushed against my neck. They are ticklish and he will not let me go until he hears me squealing like a puppy. Don't get me wrong, oh....I love Hans with his clean shaven stubble. It does turned me on.

He locked me in his arms and I can't get away. I giggled until my stomach hurts, "Let go of me....geli Hans.....", I rolled and 'thump!', I fell off the bed.

"Ouch! You're so mean.....", as I rubbed my head and tried to get up. Hans jumped off the bed and helped me up, "I love you back.", dia jawab dengan selamba. As I stood up and pushed him away but he pulled me closer to him....He looked at me with his gleaming eyes and brought me to his warm embrace. I sank my face into his chest as if to ask him to never let go as I put my arms around him.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't expect you akan jatuh dari katil.....", he laughed. I slapped his arms and he lift my chin with his fingers and planted a passionate kiss. Our lips locked.

At first the kiss was small, gentle and very meaningful. But then it grew bigger and more intense. He tasted tentatively with his tongue as he traced it across the bottom of my lip. The caress of his lips seemed much softer this time. Soon we started swallowing each other making the kiss even more intense. I let out a moan and so did he while his warm breath traveled into my face.….His muffled reply sent shivers down my neck and I can feel goosebumps appeared on my arms.

He slipped his arms around my waist and nuzzled my neck with his nose before kissing me repeatedly up to my ear, where he whispered, “I love you, babe."

I touch the small scar below his right eyes. For a fleeting moment I wondered how he got it. I wanted to know his story. And more than anything, I wanted to feel his lips on me....

He lifted me and put me on to the bed. His eyes never left mine. "So is it Bee Gees?, Hans was now on top of me.

I opened my eyes and looked at him....."No, it's Take That....", and both of us bust into laughter.

Credit to TakeThatVEVO and You Tube

And that night we celebrated,....how deep is your love.............

Chapter 50 - Moondance

Part 1.

I got back home around six in the evening and was surprised to see a brand new Range Rover parked in our driveway.

Siapa pulak datang, terdetik di dalam hati aku. Tapi bila aku melangkah masuk, rumah sunyi sepi. "Hans?, Hans.....? Are you home?", aku memanggil Hans. Sunyi. Pelik pulak. Kereta siapa kat luar tu?

Half an hour later, I came down and peeked outside. The Range Rover is still parked in our driveway. I checked my cell but there was no message from Hans. Where's Hans?

I went to the kitchen to start preparation on 2 dishes for tomorrow's Chinese New Year grand dinner at Bibi Nyonya's house. I planned to bring Kung Pao Chicken with Cashew Nuts and Stuffed Mushroom. Since I had nothing to do I decided to prepare the ingredients a head of time so I can save some cooking time tomorrow.

Half an hour later, I heard the front door opened and shut. "Babe, I'm back...where are you?". It was Hans.

"I'm in the kitchen...", I shouted. Hans smiled when he saw me. He came over and hugged me from behind. "Ewww, you're all sweaty. Pergi mandi.....", but Hans purposely hugged my tightly and kissed all over my neck. I felt ticklish and giggled. He stopped and took off his t-shirt to wipe sweats on his face and chest. "You're cooking dinner..?", Hans asked.

"This? Oh it's actually for tomorrow's dinner...Kung Pao chicken and Stuffed mushroom. Segan pulak your mother in-law ajak for dinner and I tak perpare apa-apa.", I replied.

"That is very sweet and thoughtful of you.... (he kissed me on the cheek) I am sure mummy will appreciate what you did.", Hans munch on the toasted cashew nuts.

"Excuse me that's for the Kung Pao chicken....", I tapped his hands. He chuckled and said, "Sorry. I pergi mandi dulu okay....", and grabbed a handful of cashew nuts. He quickly ran out the kitchen.

"Hans!!", I laughed and continued with my work.

"By the way, we're going out for dinner tonight okay.....and can you get ready by 8 pm?", Hans wanted to know.

"Yeah I should be done with this in a bit. Lepas Maghrib kita boleh pergi. Where to, Hans?", I wanted to know....

"The Shangri-la Putrajaya...", he replied and disappeared from my sight. I started to place all ingredients in plastic container. Placed them all in the fridge and went up stairs to get ready for Maghrib and dinner.

Part 2.

"My, my, my,.....look at you....", Hans complimented me as I walked down the stairs. I reached at the bottom of the stairs and slipped in my stiletto. "I hope I'm not over dress for dinner...", I responded.

"No,..no,..no,.. you look hot, babe. I like what you're wearing. Don't put on the jacket yet....but those stilettos......hmmmmm I like what I'm seeing.", he complimented me again. He held my hands and his scanned each and every inch of my body..."Please stop it, you're making me feel uncomfortable.....", I blushed.

"There is no reason for you to feel embarrassed. You've always have a unique sense of style. I always stand proud when I'm with you.", Hans kissed my hand.

"Well thank you....you look delicious yourself....", I giggled and in return I give him a sweet kiss on his right cheek. Hans took me by the hand and spin me around. "Nice....., come I want to show you something outside....". We stepped out of the house and the mysterious Range Rover was still there. "Han's whose car is that?", I asked curiously.

Hans hold my hand and answered, "Well, do you like it?", he asked.

"Pretty expensive.", and I ran my fingers on the exterior of the car as I circled it. I peak inside. Fully leather. "Very slick. Nice.", I replied. Hans stood there watching me the whole time.

"The Company gave me a new car. Come let's get in.", as he opened the front passenger door. I got in and it felt so luxurious. A few second later Hans stepped into the car an adjusted his sittings a couple of times. "I rather drive my Murano than this.....", he looked at me and pouted his lips. I replied, "You know what, so do I".

We arrived Shangri-La and headed straight to Azur.

We were instantly being served but Hans asked the waiter to come back in five minutes while we decide what to eat.

"I don't know what to eat....everything looks so delicious....", I said and flipping the menu pages. A few minutes later the waiter came back....."Are you ready to order?"

I looked up. "Yes, I'll start with Salmon carpaccio, followed by the wild mushroom soup and then the grilled Norwegian salmon. Thank you." I looked at Hans and was already staring at me and smiled. "And why are you looking at me that way?", I asked Hans.

"Nothing....", he giggled. I was not amused by his answer. "I will have the same starter as my wife then the asparagus cream soup and followed by grilled rack of lamb.

As the waiter wrote down our orders, he looked up, "How about dessert? Would like to try our house specialty, Classic creme brulee?"

"Sure, two please". Hans replied. I instantly looked up to Hans.....the waiter walked away.

"Hans, I'm trying to loose some extra pounds.....", I pleaded but he smiled.

"Lose extra pounds? Yang you order appetizer, soup and salmon tu, nak kurus macamana? No...., kurus-kurus tak nak la....Selagi boleh makan, you makan saja.....", He replied and laughed. Aku mencebik bibir.

"I have something that I wanna to ask you .....next week is the big day, and are you ready...?". Aku menganggukkan kepala...."Good. Well, I wanted this to be a surprise but I said to myself, heck why not give her now...".

"Surprise?", aku terkejut. Then Hans took out a box and placed it on the table. He slide it on the table towards me. My eyes was fixated on it. I wasn't expecting this.

"Go ahead open it...", Hans said.

I was nervous. What could it be this time....he has given me so much. So I lifted the box with one hand and opened the case with the other, then my eyes popped out....."Oh my..., Hans, it's beautiful!" I was really surprised.

The waiter arrived and interrupted our private moment. "Mam, your starter and Sir....salmon carpaccio. Please enjoy your meal...", the waiter smiled and left.

"I'm glad you liked it. Come let's eat. Just put that a side dulu okay...", Hans suggested. I left the opened box on the table. I can't keep my eyes off the beautiful watch Hans just gave me.

Credit to Louis Vuitton and Google Images

We finished the dinner with coffee. Then Hans spoke, "When I passed by the boutique, the watch was on display and the first thing that crossed my mind was you. I know how much you like Louis Vuitton's handbags and accessories and the sales person was very convincing. She said the wrist watchis suitable as a gift for 'that special woman' in my life.", Hans shared his story.

"So here I am with the watch. Try it on. I am positive that it will look exquisite on your wrist. Come let me do it for you....", Hans insisted and he took the box. He took out the watch and placed it on my wrist. Then he said, "I want you to know that I didn't anticipate how things went but they did. You are the woman I want to share the rest of my life with.....and I promise that I will always tell you the truth even when it's hard. And every single day I will be the best man I'm known to be....I love you Tika. Please don't ever leave me again....". He kissed my hand. I melted when I saw those eyes of his looking directly into my eyes.....

I was flattered by his words. I don't know whether I should cry or laugh but I know he meant every word of it.

"Thanks Hans. Thank you for your kind words. Thank you for loving me and tolerate my childish antics at times....I love you too.....". I replied.

Part 3.

Next day I had a day off  from work and started to cook for dinner while Hans sat and watch me work around the kitchen. Ada saja yang nak di ceritakan. He told me about his work, Bapak Yoka confirmed his attendance to our wedding reception, and he has a huge surprised for me on the reception night. "You're gonna love me, for the rest of your life...", Hans sounded confident. Another surprised and I can't wait. Finally, when all dishes are prepared we went upstairs to get ready for tonight's family reunion.

Kung Pow Chicken with Cashew Nuts

Stuffed Mushroom

We arrived at 4:30 pm and were greeted by Bibi Nyonya herself. "Apa khabar Hans dan Atika? Lama mummy tak jumpa. Lu dua orang sudah lupa sama mummy ka?". Hans hugged and kiss mummy. Mummy nampak lawa berbaju kebaya nyonya yang selalu menjadi pilihannya bila ada perayaan besar.

"Tak, we have been a bit busy, mummy. Mummy ada sihat?", Hans bertanya. "Lu tengok mummy macam ni, kira okay la.....", ketawa mummy. Aku yang berdiri di sebelah Hans hanya tersenyum.

"Atika sihat? Mummy rindu sama Atika. Tiap-tiap minggu ada saja kueh hantar kasi mummy. Bertuah lu Hans, bini pandei masak....", Mummy terus memeluk aku dan mengajak kami masuk.

Suasana rumah mummy riuh rendah. Ah Joe dan isteri sibuk dengan decorations while mummy in the kitchen giving instructions to her maid how to prepare 'yee sang'. Aku meletakkan makanan yang aku bawa dari rumah di atas meja dapur.

"Apa ni Atika? Masak lagi ka...?", lalu mummy membuka tutup periuk le creuset dan berkata, "Aduh, sedapnya....", and she took a piece of the stuff mushroom for tasting. She smiled and said, "Perfect! Atika terus angkat kasi letak meja depan.", Aku pun menganggukkan kepala.

Aku nampak Hans sedang melayan kerenah anak-anaknya. Ah Joe joined them while his wife, Kathy menghampiri aku. "Hi, how's things?", she asked.

"Good. And you?", I replied dan bersalaman dengan Kathy.

"Okay jugak. Jarang kita dapat jumpakan? Maybe one of these days we can have lunch?, she asked.

"Sure, boleh. You pick the time and place. You tak balik rumah keluarga you?, I asked sambil memerhatikan keletah anak-anak Hans yang berguling atas lantai bermain Nerf. Tiba-tiba peluru tersasar terkena mummy yang baru masuk ke ruang tamu.

"A1 and A2, Bibi Nyonya sudah cakap jangan main dalam rumah. Nanti Bibi Nyonya kasi buang. Simpan...now!, arah mummy.

"Hans, Ah Joe sudahla....rambut sudah mau uban main macam budak-budak, apa ini....", the house erupted with laughter.

After dinner mummy distributed 'ang pow' to all of us, even the maid also gets one. At midnight the sound of fire crackers filled the air.

Hans invited his children back to our house but they decided they wanted to follow Ah Joe who will be going back to his in-laws tomorrow. This means more ang-pow for them.....Ah Joe promised to take them to Legoland during their stay in Johor Bahru. Hans was a bit disappointed but agreed to the plan with one condition that soon they return from Johor they will come to our house to finish their school holidays. The kids were happy that their school holidays are filled with trips and activities. Poor Hans. I know he was looking forward having his sons over. I just wish that Ah Joe would have mentioned this earlier.

We arrived about 2 am and Hans went straight up to the bedroom. I made myself Milo and switched on to Van Morrison's Moondance.

Credit to raskull85 and You Tube

Hans came down after his shower and sat down next to me in the lazy pit. "I was a bit disappointed that Joe decided to steal my kids this holiday.....", Hans expressed his frustration. I just kept quiet and comforted him by stroking his arms. "You'll still have them after they're back from JB....", I said.

"I know.....but lately I am spending less and less time with them...", Hans admitted lacking quality time with his kids lately. He put his arm around my shoulder and I leaned against his chest. We sat there in silence listening to Van Morrison. Hans slowly rubbed his thumb across my palm, caressing gently. It's a sign of affection, a sign of him wanting to be close to me. There's a certain energy exchange that you can feel from holding hands with someone, especially when that someone is special to you. Our fingers intertwine and there it was, that physical connection.

"I am little tired. Have you showered?", Hans broke the silence.

"Nope belum. I will soon as I finished my Milo. You nak tidur, you go a head first. I'll follow you in a bit.", I said and kissed his cheek.

"Okay, but don't take too long.....", Hans kissed my hand and stood up. Aku mengangguk.....

Chapter 49 - Bahasa Kalbu

Part 1.

"Good morning sunshine...the best thing to do when I wake up earlier than you is just to watch you sleep....you have a strange smile on your face, like a satisfaction smile....", Hans whispered as I opened my eyes this morning.

I touched the scar right below his right eye and I snuggle closer to Hans."Good morning....how long have  you been staring like this?,"  I asked. Then, I felt a trobbing pain on my lips now that the pain killer has ware off. "Ummp.....sakit. My lips hurts...", and I touched my swollen lips.

"Don't touch.....", and he took my hand and placed it next to his face.

"Does it look bad.....I mean the swollen?, I asked Hans. He just looked at me and said, "I'll kiss away the pain for you.....", and so he did just that on my lips. I smiled.

"Babe,....last night....., when you said it won't be long that I am not your husband, were you serious? Did you really have the intention of leaving me? It sounded so harsh that you wanted to end our marriage?", Hans query me.

"Oh...I did say that, didn't I? Is that what you have been thinking all morning?", aku cuba mengelak pandangannya.

"At the time I felt my world has fallen apart.", aku berbisik. "I am sorry for all the things I said. I guess I was not being rational...".

"No...no...no....don't apologized. It's me who was at fault. I never meant to hurt you, never meant to put you in so much anguish and pain. Do not ever doubt my love for you.  As a husband I have to put a stop sebelum kita tersilap langkah atau terlepas cakap. Bila terlepas cakap susah nak tarik balik. Nikah, talak and cerai tak boleh main-main. There should have been a better solution but ialah as human kadang-kadang kita hilang pertimbangan. Emosi mengawal akal fikiran. Dengan rendah dirinya I minta maaf dengan you. Bagi I peluang untuk menebus kesilapan I...", and he embraced me.

I looked up at Hans and utter softly closed to his lips. "Please don't hit me again....", I told him. "I tahu I was so rude towards you. I felt bitter looking at my competition who is ten times beautiful than I am. The thought of you leaving me......really shook my world. I can't be the perfect wife you expect me to be....", I expressed my insecurities just like any woman would feel in this situation.

"Yes, I berjanji I will never lay my hands again.....I regretted what I did. I tak pernah expect you be the perfect wife. I love you because of who you are.........Tika, trust me hanya I saja yang paling faham macamana gelisahnya hati you. I was miserable when you were missing.....Please yakin hanya you saja yang faham erti kejujuran isi hati I and I love you so much....Percayalah", he affirmed.

I'm not going any where. I am staying in this marriage and you're gonna love me....Hans, you're the best thing that's happened to me....Hidup itu adalah pilihan dan ini adalah pilihan aku.

Credit to Emotion Entertainment and You Tube

I sat up slowly, lean my back against the headboard and pulled the covers up to my chest.  Hans looked at me and asked, "What do you wanna do today.....we can just stay in bed or swim in the sea.....you decide....".

I stared at him and shrugged my shoulders. "I am feeling lazy today. Let's just stay in bed, watch a movie, lepas tu kita balik rumah, boleh?", I replied and stroke his thick brown hair. He loves it when I do that and he slide closer and lay his head on my tummy. "I like your plan. I wanna go back to our house, too...".

That afternoon we drove home separately in our own cars. We stopped in Nilai for lunch. It was pure luck that we managed to get a table as this place is always pack. Reservation in advance is advisable.

We enjoyed the dishes here like the rendang daging, kerabu pucuk paku, daging salai and sambal tumis udang petai which was served with rice. We also had teh tarik and ice cream tapai.

We walked hand in hand towards our car which was parked by the road side. "Kenyang...?", tanya Hans. Aku menganggukkan kepala. He tugged my hand and I looked up at him."What?", I asked him.

"Nothing....just checking if your mind is here with me....", and he beamed. He kissed my hand.

"Ada-ada je la you ni....thank you for the lunch and you are such a wonderful company.", I complimented Hans and lean against his arm. He grabbed me and he gave me a tight hug. He walked me to my car and kissed me before he walked to his car. Half and hour later we reached our house in Cyberjaya.

We hang out in the lazy pit. We talked and kissed to catch up for lost times. Then it got me thinking,....is he an abusive husband? Am I in an abusive relationship? I don't know exactly but what I know is I was rude to my husband. I overstep his boundary but as a husband he did what he thinks is right. I might add that he did the right thing sebelum masalah lain timbul. Astaraghfirullahalazim........

"Hans, I think I wanna bake some tuna puffs...", tiba-tiba terasa nak memasak pulak. Hans looked delighted, "Okay, I'll help you...". We spent the next hour having fun baking in the kitchen but then he got a call.....

Hans : Waalaikumsalam, yes bro....great...just bring it over....thanks man....I owe you one....right....see you later.

"Iddin is coming over. Do we have extra puffs for him?", Hans sound so cheerful. I smiled back at him and said, "Of course ada banyak ni.......hmmm...., what would you like the puffs with, coffee or tea?", I asked.

"Definitely Nescafe. No worries I boleh buat. You take a rest.", he was beaming and winked at me. I took the puffs to the lazy pit and the door bell rang....

Hans was a head of me, "No you sit and rest, I'll get the door...", he insisted. Don't know what's going on, he sure is acting very funny. I laughed and said, "Are you all right.....you are acting weird.....".

Part 2.

"Come on in....", both men shook hands and Iddin passed a paper bag to Hans. "Thanks man for doing this. I really appreciate it...", Hans accepted the bag. Hans walked over to me and handed me the bag. I peak in and I saw box of Iphone and it made me smile.

He said, "Ganti balik yang you campak dalam laut....Surprise!". I laughed and kissed him on the cheek. "You ni,....kan I boleh beli sendiri....but thank you very much.", and I opened up the box.

"Campak phone dalam laut? Apa cerita ni?", Iddin kehairanan sambil memandang ke arah aku dan kemudian kepada Hans.

"Tika was mad at me and she threw her phone in the ocean. Sebab tu I tak dapat contact dia for 2 days. Finally you know mana I jumpa dia.......kat Avillion.....", Hans explained as he sat next to me on the sofa.

"PD? And the bruised lip?", Iddin was very observant and curious, well more like busy body....hahaha.

"It was an accident." I replied. He came closer to take a look at my lips..."Nah, you can lie however you want but the cut is quite deep....how many stitches ni.....?, he asked as he tilt my face left and right.

"Five.", I whispered close to Iddin ears.

"Are you alright?....", Iddin asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Come let's have some tuna puffs I made tadi.", sambil aku menghulurkan a piece of pastry to him just to avoid the issue before it goes on too far. I know Iddin, he was not satisfied with my explanation.

Frankly speaking, I know both of them cared for me very much.....I love them too but it felt really awkward. Hans was staring at Iddin the whole time the Q&A session between me and Iddin.

Luckily the conversation about me dwindled when Iddin cleverly switched to 'business talk' with Hans. I just sat there checking out the new Iphone. Hans conclude the business talk when he said, "We will discuss this further tomorrow.". Iddin understood and said, "I'll make a move first.......Atika call me...", he whispered as we hugged good bye. Aku menganggukkan kepala. "Thanks Iddin for dropping by...", I replied and smiled at him. I looked at Hans nervously and signaled him to say good bye to Iddin.

"All right bro, thanks again for coming and I'll see you tomorrow.....", Hans extended his hand and both shook on it.

I saw Iddin out and he made me promised to call him,.....and he drove off in his new company car. Audi C7. Nice......

Part 3.

Three days later I called Iddin and we agreed to meet up for lunch at Cyberview Resort. As I saw him walked in the restaurant I find him so well polished and attractive since he joined Tan Sri's company. I smiled and stood up as he came closer.

"How are we today? Please don't get up.......". He kissed me on both cheeks. Iddin looked happy when he saw me.

"I'm good thank you. And you?", I said.

"I am fine and glad to see you....". Iddin replied.

As soon as we sat down he asked, "So what's the story....spill it out....Hans did this to you, right?", Iddin being very persistent.

"Before I tell you what happened please answer this,....I am telling you about my personal matters because........", I said as I looked at Iddin. He was confused.....

"Go on finish up my sentence. Give me one good reason why I should tell you about what happened.....", I waited for this response.

"Because I am concern about you.....as a best friend, of course.", he gulped.

"You are a married man. I rasa tak sesuai kalau I buka cerita hal rumahtangga I pada you....", I replied.

"Then why did you call me?", he asked.

Aku berasa hairan. "Well, you yang suruh I call you the last time you were at my place.....", aku menjeling dan memandang ke arah buffet table.

"Hans did this to you, didn't he? Tengok sampai kena stitches, you still feel I tak patut masuk campur? You are in an abusive relationship Atika,.....wake up! I will always look over your shoulder whether you like it or not. Admit it you feel safe when I do that, right....?", Iddin reacted to my statement.

"Okay,.....okay,....okay,..... macam ni ceritanya......", aku meneguk Ice Lemon Tea.

"After the conversation both you and I had the other night, I decided to surprise Hans at the airport. But I was shocked to see him with another woman. She was in Hans arms and they kissed when they left the airport separately.", and I sipped my ice lemon tea again. Iddin looked at me with much interest.

"I didn't know what to do....I didn't want to go back home and face him takut nanti kami bergaduh. So I drove around and somehow I arrived in PD. Stayed there to think and take my mind off the drama the day before...", I continued with my story.

Iddin looked shocked and disbelieved, "Classic Atika moves, as always....runaway from confrontation. Why didn't you call me? You know I'll come running to you....", Iddin confessed.

"What do you mean by that,...my classic moves? Iddin, it's a personal matter so I felt tak sesuai to get you involved.", I tried to make him understand.

"I was upset that I threw my phone in the ocean so no one can bother me....but he found me on the second day. We argued. He wanted to know why I went missing. I mentioned something about ending this marriage. That was when he slapped me. Later he told me that he was sorry for what he did but he had to do in order to avoid "jatuh talak" and me being "derhaka". We went to the clinic and had stitches on my lips. Balik dari clinic baru I told him that I saw him at the airport.". Aku bercerita dengan panjang lebar.

"Kalau I pun, akan tampar you......crazy. So what was his reaction?", Iddin was anxious to know.

"At first he was quiet than he told me Hani, his ex-girlfriend wants him to do paternity test. It seems she was sleeping with another man while she was seeing Hans. They had a one night stand after Hans separated from his wife.", I explained and Iddin shook his head.

"I'll be damned...that son of a bitch!", Iddin blurted out.

"Hey careful, that's my husband you're talking about.....", I defended Hans. I took another sip of drink. "He agreed to do the test and we're waiting for the results. So that's it...". I stopped and looked at Iddin. Iddin menggelengkan kepalanya.

"And you are still defending him?", Iddin sounded annoyed.

"Well, it happened in his past. I was not in the picture then.....there's nothing much I can do about it. He regretted his actions and he apologized...", I shared my opinion with Iddin.

"Okay, siapalah I nak halang you.....but if he ever does that to you again,....I mean slap or hit you, you should tell me. I will deal with him personally...understand?", Iddin wants reassurance from me.

"This is not the first time he hit me....", it just came out from my mouth.

"What! He has hit you before? When did it happened?", Iddin was furious now.

"Dah lah Iddin. Tak payah nak besar-besarkan lagi issue ini....", I tried to avoid answering Iddin's questions.

"When was the first time....?!", Iddin insist to know the answer.

"About  six, seven months ago....I passed out after he hit me on the face.....it was my fault....", I confessed.

"Hmmm....eloklah tu.....nanti bila dah nak separuh nyawa baru nak cari I...damn it girl, every woman do not deserved to be in an abusive relationship." Iddin explained.

"Errr....is this what they say,....abusive relationship....?", I asked Iddin.

"Come on Atika, you know better than that.....!", Iddin was enraged with my question.

Chapter 48 - If only for one night.

Part 1.

Hans called room service for a bucket of ice. I changed my clothes as it was covered with blood and later sat on the bed. Aku meraba-raba pipi aku yg masih berdenyut-denyut kesakitan. Hans had an ice pack ready in hand. He came closer and sat next to me. Slowly, he placed the ice pack on my lips....

"Oooo.....ouch....", I tried to fight the pain. I jerk my head to the right.

"I know it hurts but you have to sit still." Hans said and I obeyed. I looked him in the eyes and he looked back at me. A moment ago he slapped me, hard, and now he's nursing not only my cut but also my bruised ego. He was shirtless. I wonder if has change of clothes with him....I got side tracked for a moment there....

"We'll try to stop the bleeding for now. The cut is quiet deep. I'm taking you to the doctor....", he suggested. I kept quiet. I was in a confused state of mind.

"Are you listening to me? Dah macam ni pun degil lagi.....", he snapped at me.

"This won't happened kalau you tak tampar I tadi. Next time, just shot me in the head so that I won't suffer like right now!" I fought him back.

"What is your problem, babe? Apa yang you marah sangat pada I? I sampai rumah the other day and you were not there. I called and messaged you numerous times. You did not read them - A T - A L L. Then you switched off your phone.", he explained patiently.

"I threw my phone into the ocean...and please don't make it sound it's all my fault.", and I gestured with my head to the right telling him the phone is somewhere out there. Hans shook his head.

I stood up and walked to the balcony, facing the open sea. Kemudian aku bersuara,"I went to the airport on Tuesday. I wanted to surprise you but it was the biggest mistake I ever made. Instead, I was the one who got a massive surprise when I saw you arm in arms with another woman....". Finally I had it out of my chest. I looked out far to the ocean and the darkness outside.

There was silence..........I didn't even want to turn because I was not ready to see his reaction.

He didn't even say a word. Feeling guilty are we? I hope he now knows why I was so mad at him....

"I'm going to PD town to look for a clinic.....alone.", I said softly and picked up my handbag and car keys.

"No, I should drive.....", Hans memujuk aku.

"Thanks but I rather go alone because when I get back I want to see you gone. I don't know what's going on between you and that woman. I am not the kind who like pry into your business but convince me that you are sane and value our marriage institution today. Never mind,...forget it.....I do not want to argue anymore. I am in pain, am so tired and want you to leave me alone....I am not ready to have my heartbroken again.....the image of both of you at the airport, Urgh!..... keeps replaying in my head. Maybe I am the one who is going crazy!", I told him off. I felt something warm dribbling on my chin. More blood....

Hans step closer and wiped off the blood. "Tika,...bila I lafaz nikah dulu, sama seperti I berjanji untuk selamanya menjaga you, menyayangi you, and menjadi imam you. Your place is with me. Only you...I will explain everything but first, let me take you to the clinic and have the doctor take a look at your cut lip, please.....babe....", he pleaded and hold my hand. Kata-katanya membuat aku serba salah...I nodded in agreement. Mudahnya aku tewas......

Part 2.

My lips required 5 stitches and the doctor said it will get swollen for a few days. I need to do a follow-up every other day for surgical dressing. While in the operating room the doctor wants to know if I will be making a police report against Hans. "No, that won't be necessary....it was just a misunderstanding", I answered. The doctor was so concern that he gave me a pamphlet on domestic violence. I said thank you and placed it in my handbag.

On our way back to Avillion we didn't talk. We exchanged glances a couple of times. I do not know what to expect if he confessed he was having an affair with another woman. My mind was a wreck.

Soon as we reached my chalet and I stripped out off my clothes. Naked and crawl into bed. I don't care if Hans eyes was fixated on me. He helped to pull the sheets over my shoulder. I lay on my right side and face the balcony just like other nights listening to the sound of waves...... Hans wanted to switch of the lights. "No please leave it on...", I said. "And please don't close the curtain shades." Hans obliged and sat at the corner of the room.

Hans made himself welcome obviously. He changed into a spare t-shirt he had in his car. He was all quiet but seconds later I heard Luther Vandross and I presume the song came from Hans laptop.

He came around and check up on me. "I'm sorry I thought you were a sleep...", he said and walked back to the sofa again. As he clasped his hands together and brought it close to his face, he said "Babe,....please accept my sincere apologies for the incident earlier tonight. Seriously don't know how to begin but.....". He paused.

Then he started to explain....."Her name is Hani. I met her in the midst of finalizing  my divorce. Marianne, my ex-wife thought Hani was the reason we ended up with a divorce. I contradicted her version. Hani came along at the right time. I was hopeless and depressed and we had a one night stand. That was all. Only once. Did not expect to run into her recently in Dubai. She is now happily married with two kids to a wealthy Arab guy and residing in Dubai."

I didn't move an inch and still looking out at the dark sky.

Hans coughed but he continued, "As thrill I was to see her, she said she has been trying to get in contact with me the past few months. She wants me to do a paternity test just to rule me out as the biological father of her 8 year old daughter."

"Are you? The father.....?", aku bertanya. He stood up and paced the room. He stopped and lean against the wall.

"Don't know....I did the test yesterday and the result will be out in one weeks' time. And yes, I am very nervous of the out come. I serious do not know what to expect. I am confused and scared, babe. That's was why Hani came back to Malaysia with me....and please do not misinterpret the kiss you saw, it was not passionate. It was just a friendly gesture and it doesn't mean a thing to me.....", Hans answered honestly.

"So what's going to happened now?", I asked.

"Wait for the result. ", Hans replied.

"What if it is positive?", I popped another question.

"She's not after me, my money or anything out of the result. The thing is, she also slept with another man at the same time she was 'seeing' me. It's more for her own reassurance of who is her daughter's real father. At least that's what she told me.", explained Hans. He was so attentive to all of my questions and provided decent answers.

"If the child is yours......", left it hanging expecting Hans to complete my sentence.

"I seriously don't know.....that has been bothering me since.....I really did not mean to slap you hard.....Things got bottled up in me and....the thought of you ending our marriage got me up to here....", he lift his hand brought it up to his nose.

"You did not answer my question, what if the child is yours....?", I asked again.

"Babe it's not going to change anything between us. If the kid is mine, maybe I would like to meet her. Get to know her, itu pun if Hani agrees to it. I am not going to fight for custody. She has lived her entire life with her mother and she only knows that the Sheikh is her father. I cannot predict the future. I can only face them one at the time....". I was almost convinced with his answers. He came over to the bed and stood right in front of me. "Please don't be mad at me because my life is with you.....and no one else."

He ran his fingers along my face and I closed my eyes. "And that is all to it...?", I asked and opened my eyes.

"Di dunia ni lagi Tuhan dah membalas dosa I. I am paying for the mistakes I made in the past, Tika.  I regretted  what happened and never in my life thought that it will come back to haunt me like this..... ...Tika, please maafkan I.....", he just looked at me and sat at the edge of the bed.

Credit to Jaime Mansilla and YouTube

What can I do....it happened before I came into his life.....Now Allah dah bagi balasan pada dia......I turn and sat up slowly on the bed. Hans glanced at me. I instantly embrace him in my arms and we kissed for a long time......I don't care about the throbbing pain on my lips.

"What was that for.....", he whispered and caress my lips with his thumb. And I replied, "To ease my fear."