I took half day leave on Tuesday and thought I would surprised Hans at the airport. A nice gesture and perhaps I can spend some quality time with Hans since he has been away for almost a week.
Never did I expect how it ended. It was the biggest mistake I ever done.
I arrived KLIA about 4:30 pm and the flight from Dubai is expected to arrive around 5:25 pm. Since I had so much time in hand I decided to have coffee in the cafeteria. Half an hour later I saw from the TV screen that his plane has landed. I immediately grabbed the hot coffee but it spilled all over my hand, on the table and dripped onto the floor when I lost my balance as I was getting off the chair. I was embarrassed and called the cleaner if they could help me. They immediately assisted me with a smile. I thanked them profusely and left without finishing what's left in my coffee cup.
I reached the arrival hall and anxiously waited for Hans.....one by one passengers came out and I was still looking out for Hans, it has been 20 minutes since the plane landed but he is still out of sight. My hand was still sore from the hot coffee.
Not long after that Hans came out and I was all smiles. My sweatheart is home now......I saw Hans and went around the crowd and I started to wave but he didn't see me....suddenly he stopped and turned around as though he was waiting for someone. I paused and I saw a woman walking fast towards Hans. She held Hans arms as they both pushed the baggage cart....I couldn't believe my eyes....I followed them outside and watched their every move from a distance. They kissed and the lady got into the black airport limo and it sped off. A few seconds later a Bentley stopped right in front of Hans. It was abang Razali.....Hans stepped into the car. I don't think he saw me.
I stood there for almost 5 minutes not knowing how to react to the drama I just witnessed. Could Iddin be right all along? Was the spilled coffee a bad omen? Sadly, I walked back to the basement and sat in the car. What should I do? Hans will be at home in half an hour and I don't think I wanna face him in my current state of mind.....bergaduh besar jawabnya.......
My cellphone buzzed and I did not answer. It buzzed again and then again. I had several missed calls and all of them from Hans. He also text me through WhatsApp and I did not bother to read any of them. My mind was replaying the incident just now numerous time. Such a pretty lady, tall, slender and has a long silky hair. Sesuai sangat dengan Hans yang segak, kacak dan tinggi. Is Hans really having an affair? Is he leaving me.....? I was sweating and shaking. I was heartbroken.......
In a not so stable condition, I drove out of the basement. I followed wherever my wheels take me and that's when I realized I arrived Avillion in Port Dickson. It was 7 p.m. I checked myself in and told the reception that I do not want to be disturbed.
Credit to MusicEverywhere and You Tube
When I woke whatever time of day it was, the ray of sunlight penetrated into the room....I sat in bed and switched on my cellphone. There goes one message after the other.....I stood up and walked to the balcony and kissed my phone good bye. I threw it into the ocean....feeling rejected. I caused Hans so much trouble and headache ever since we met. One thing happened after the other.....aku ni banyak menyusahkan Hans.....mungkin dia mencari ketenangan dan kasih sayang dari perempuan lain yang lebih memahaminya di luar pengetahuan aku.
In the late afternoon, I headed off to PD town to buy a few clothing items and a jubah. I do not have any clothes except for the one I had on since yesterday. Slipping into the new jubah in the car, I drove straight to my late mother's grave site and recited Yassin. It was the 40th year anniversary of her passing. I missed my mom. I was eight when she passed away and I am still not able to accept her death even until today. Pain and anger confined me, my entire life. I used to question, why me? Was I a bad daughter that God took my mother away? I need someone to take the blame. There must be someone to be blame for her death.....From that day onward I took care of myself. I grew up fast and stood independently. I am who I am because of circumstances. If time heal the pain, how long will it take mine...?
Second day in Avillion was a bliss. No care in the world whatsoever......at times I sat on the balcony for several hours....watched the waves, the birds, the cargo ships that passed by........the humming of the wave-song beguiled me. It was soothing and I was glad to get away from the hurly-burly and stresses of life.
Then I decided to go for a one hour of massage therapy. The masseuse mentioned that my shoulders are so tense and have a stiffed back. My body hurt all over after the massage session......
In the late evening I walked on the beach and the horizon was like a line of nickel-silver. The sea song of the waves really calmed me down. Seagulls flew overhead while I played with the waves and trying to jump over it......the sea breeze blowing my hair at times covering my face. I feel unrestrained and tranquilized. This is also the place where we had our first secret meeting. Hans said he will never let me go....he will wait for me forever.....promises made when you can't have what you want. Hah! At times I walked through the waves, and enjoy the salt water splashed on my face......delightfully, I turn to avoid the salt water.....I shriek and chuckle.
At the corner of my eyes I noticed as though someone was watching me. I glance at the direction and my heart stopped beating for a few seconds.......
No it can't be.......it can't be him.......
I was surprised and shocked that he knows where to find me............my body trembled as I took a few steps forward and started to speed up my pace.......
I guess I must have not ran fast enough when I felt someone grabbed my arms....the gripped almost ripped by arm. I immediately stopped struggling before I hurt my arm. "Let go of me, Hans. How on earth did you know where to find me?", I said and stood still.
"I am not going to let you go. You have gone missing for 2 days. This place was my final alternative. I said to myself if I can't find her here, I was going to let her go and let her return when she wants. But now that I found you, oh no, I'm not letting you go. Explain to me Tika why did you go away.....like this....(silence) you are making me crazy....". Yes, Hans was furious with me.
"My goodness Babe.....hilang macam tu saja.....no messages, no calls, separuh nyawa I cari you......who do you think you are.....?", and this time he squeezed my arm. Yes, it really hurts. My arm felt sore but I stood silent and didn't want to wake the sleeping dragon in Hans.
"Don't you have anything to say in your defense?", bombing me with question after question. I just stared to the open sea, very much to avoid his face.
"Please let go of my arm. Sakit lah.....", I said and pulled my arm from his grip. He did not let me go.
"I'm going back. You are coming with me.", he insisted that I follow him back.
"No.", I replied and pulled my arm again. " I am not ready yet.", I added.
"Then I'll stay here with you.......", at this point he was irritated by my stubbornness that he raised the tone of his voice.
I replied back to him, "No. I just want some space, I just want to be alone to think......I'll go back when I'm ready."
"Babe, you're making me nuts....!", as he had both hands on his head. I walked away. "Tika, I'm begging you babe, please, come back with me......".
I just walked off and left him standing there........I am sorry Hans but you hurt my feelings,....
Part 2.
Mid way, I turned around and looked at Hans....."You have something you wanna tell me?" I shouted at him. Hans stood there....,"I don't know? What is that you want to know?", he exclaimed. I just shrugged and walked away.
"Babe, don't do this to me. I missed you so much. You know we can talk....", as his voice faded away......"I'm not going anywhere...I'm staying right here.....", I could barely hear his voice now.....
That night after dinner, I thought of going back to the beach to see if Hans is still there waiting for me. I walked slowly along the petting zoo and looked around. Then I braved myself to walk on the beach but it was empty.
As I turn around.....,"You thought I was joking? I'm not leaving without you babe!" Aku terkejut dan dapat merasakan muka aku pucat lesi. Terkejut sebab terdengar suara Hans and pucat sebab malu dengan sikap ego aku......
"Look at me when I'm taking to you, Atika!", he raised his voice. I slowly turned around. He had both hands on his waist. I can tell he was really pissed off with me even though I couldn't see his facial expression. I guess who wouldn't. It is not easy dealing with me. Hard headed and only concern is about my own feelings. Selfish is the right word I was looking for......
He rested his hand on my shoulder and sigh......,"Apa yang tak kena this time? Siapa yang sakitkan hati you?", Hans changed his voice tone and asked nicely.
"You!", my short answer. I was still standing facing straight onto his face. My heart was hurting and I can feel the burning sensation on my face. Except it was dark and Hans was not able to see it.
"Me? Apa yang I buat sampai you sanggup tinggalkan I? You tahu tak cara you itu menghala ke sikap derhaka......", and all of a sudden he became a preacher?
"Tak payah you nak bagi ceramah pada I malam-malam buta ni. You know what you did so cermin diri you dulu sebelum you nak marah-marah I......", aku meninggikan suara aku. I stood my ground.
"Tolonglah mengucap Tika, kalau I buat salah then let me know. Macam ni la.....let's go back to your chalet and we continue with our conversation....tak manis buat kecoh di sini...", Hans memujuk aku dengan lembut.
"Urgh!", I was so pissed off with him sambil menghentakkan kaki aku. "Atika, listen to me.......I am your husband whether you like it or not....." Hans mula berkeras.
"Well, maybe not for long....!", I replied and the next thing I realized Hans large hand slapped across my face. I was stunned, felt wobbly and almost tripped. "Jaga mulut you ya, jangan kurang ajar dengan I! Sabar I pun ada batasnya. Tolong hormat sikit I sebagai suami you.", and I have never seen Hans this angry before......
Pedih pipi aku. Terbatuk-batuk aku dibuatnya. Sakit hatiku membuak-buak. Mata aku berair menahan kesakitan yang teramat sangat. Telinga aku berdenggung. Kemudian aku terasa seperti menelan darah dari dalam mulutku. Aku meraba-raba bibirku dan terasa masin.
Airmataku tidak terbendung lagi. Berjurai-jurai jatuh mengalir di pipi aku lalu meleleh ke mulutku bercampur darah menitik membasahi baju putih ku....... But I provoked him. Aku tak berjanggak, stood in front of him.......
Suddenly I can sense from his immediate actions, he lifted his hands in the air and he grunted, "Urgh! darn it.",.........at that point I duck my head down because I thought he was going to hit me again. Instead he touched my shoulder and lift my face close to his ever so gently, and that's when I saw in his eyes that he regretted what just happened.
"I am really, really sorry babe....I seriously don't know what got into me",....he accidentally touched my lips, "...what's this? Blood....you're bleeding, babe.....Ya Allah. what have I done....let me take a look.....", he apologized and took off his shirt to wipe the blood from my lips.
"I am okay......", I said as I wiped off the tears on my face. I was glad he held me or I would have just collapsed. Then Hans gently grabbed my neck and pulled me into his bare chest. I heard him cry......."I am so sorry.....babe.....", and he kissed my forehead. We stood there for a few minutes. I leaned back. Looking close to his face, I wipe away his tears. He pulled me in his arm and rock me like a baby.
"Let's go back to my chalet.........", I said.
He is indeed my husband.
