Aku menjeling kearah jam dinding. Suasana pagi itu sangat sunyi. Hans terlena di pangkuan aku. Aku mengejut Hans. "Hans, tidur dalam guest room ya....", aku pujuk Hans. He agreed and I helped him to stand up. We walk to the guest bedroom which was about 10 steps away. When we reached the bed, he climbed up and lay down on his right side. I switched on the air conditioner and covered him with the comforter. Kissed him and I stepped out of the room.
I called Iddin. I apologized to him that I did not meet at the guard house and told him what happened.
Iddin : "And how is he?"
Me : "He looked very tired Iddin. Macam energy dia drained out. I took him to the guestroom. And he fell right back to sleep."
Iddin : "You?"
Me : "Me?"
Iddin : "Yeah, you.....how are you accepting all this...?"
Me : "Entahlah Iddin, I rasa macam bermimpi....apa lagi yang I tak tahu? Please no more secrets, tell me Iddin", aku merayu sambil teresak-esak.
Iddin : "Atika, stop crying.......(he pause for a while).....Kalau I cerita pada you, I tak mahu you berasa kecewa dengan sikap Hans, apa yang dia lakukan kerana cinta, kasih dan sayangnya adalah untuk you."
Me : "Apa yang you merepekkan ni.....Iddin?"
Iddin : "When Hans told me that he has cancer he wants me to take care of you and Tariq if he dies. I was surprised and I thought it was a sick joke!"
Me : Aku terduduk di tepi meja talipon. "You are not making this up....?", aku bertanya.
Iddin : "Me? Making this up? You ingat I ni apa....!?", he was so pissed off.
Me : "Okay, okay.....is there more...?". Iddin senyap dan membisu.....lama......
Me : "Iddin,........there's more......?!"
Iddin : "He wants me to get closer to you so it would be easier since you and I were in loved once before. Tika, he pleaded with me, he chose the man you should marry and be happy with when he is dead...... I agreed on one the condition that he continues with his cancer treatment in Singapore. I had to do it Atika.....Dia dah macam abang I......"
Me : "Macam abang you......and you agreed......."
Iddin : "Yes, I did but tonight he wanted to change the plot after watching how closer we have become....I am falling in love with you all over again. That's what the argument was all about."
Me : "Why...why is he doing all this? He doesn't need to plan my life for me.....", aku menangis.
"........Sebab I sayangkan you. Salah kah I,.....kalau I tak mahu you berseorangan. I tak mahu tengok you bersedih. I tak mahu you rasa putus asa. I nak tengok you bahagia bila I dah tak ada nanti. Tapi biarlah dengan orang yang tahu mampu berikan kebahagian pada you.....". It was Hans. I was stunned......
Me : "I call you back later.......? Hans is up...", and I hang up.
I stood up and walked towards him.....I placed my hands on his arms....,"Siapa kata you akan mati....? Mana? Mana black and white nya....Allah beri kita akal dan fikiran....so gunakannya Hans.....use it.......!", aku menggoncang perlahan lengannya. Berjurai-jurai airmataku......
Credit to MD Pictures and You Tube
Awan hitam bergulung gulung
Mengabarkan berita pahit
Aku harus gimana pada cintaku
Bisakah aku jadi langit
Biar ku lindungi mendungmu
Tak kubiarkan duka berkawan denganmu
Biarkan hatiku bertudung
Menutupi kenyataanku
Menangis sekaligus tersenyum
Pada takdirku
Tak bisa kau paksa cintaku
Berpindah kepada yang lain
Sampai nafasku habis
Ku mau denganmu
Bisakah aku jadi langit
Biar ku lindungi mendungmu
Tak kubiarkan duka berkawan denganmu
Biarkan hatiku bertudung
Menutupi kenyataanku
Menangis sekaligus tersenyum
Pada takdirku
Tak bisa kau paksa cintaku
Berpindah kepada yang lain
Sampai nafasku habis
Ku mau denganmu
Inilah surga yang kurindukan
Memastikan kau baik-baik saja
Walaupun kita tak bersama lagi
Kenanglah aku
Cinta
Bermula dari hari itu Hans always included me in his decision. He wants me to accompany him whenever he goes for his chemo treatment in Singapore. I saw him in his worst physical health; there are days he couldn't eat. Each time he tried he will throw up. I am always by his side, be his supporter and his care taker. There are also days where he has his mood swings and nothing a cup of chamomile tea always does the miracle. It comforts and relaxes him.
Once Mom accompanied Hans for his chemo when Tariq fell ill. Tariq will be 6 months old soon and learning to recognized faces already. He is quite choosy and avoided contact with people he is not familiar with. Hans would walked Tariq around the garden. I wonder what he talks about when he is with Tariq.....Tariq giggles and Hans kept on talking to Tariq.....
I stood facing out into the garden, feeling empty and motionless.
"He's my hero, too......,". Lamunan aku dikejutkan dengan suara Iddin.
Ahh......Iddin........
Iddin has always been there for the both of us. Each day passes by I feel that I care more and more for Iddin. He is our greatest supporter. I will be lost without him.
Aku tersenyum sendiri.....
THE END
Albert Einstein said, Logic will get you from A to B, but imagination takes you everywhere....."
Finally I finished my novel. It took me approximately one year to finish this novel.
The conclusion? It depends in your own interpretation.
This book is about guilty pleasure. Buku yang kita sorok-sorok baca bila orang tak nampak. Buku yang buat kita rasa excited and entertain at the same time. Mungkin ada yang boleh relate dan ada yang tidak. But, this is my imagination.......
At times I get personal with my readers. I shared most of my all time favorite song and newly discovered songs. You can figure out my style in music.
Which comes first, the song of the story? It works both ways for me.
Some of the feelings and emotions shared in here based on my own experienced.
Thank you to those who did take the time to read this novel. I know it is not a high quality product but I am glad I started and manage to complete this. I have always love writing; my distress outlet. I'm already planning to start a second novel.
Thank you to my other half for his patience even he at times chided me cynically how much time I spent on the computer.
Thank you to my children whom I force them to listen when I read chapters from the novel. My angels.....
Thank you to Google, Google Image, You Tube, and endless pictures shared publicly on the internet. Their services were excellent that made my writing inter connected and flows smoothly.
And Thank you to the One and only, The Almightly Allah for my writing ability that he granted upon me.
Till we meet again.....Assalammualaikum..................
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